(If you haven’t already, you should read << Remember it all first)
Today, I wander through life with a befuddled mind, a twisted soul and a gun in my hand. I want to summon all the good there is in me, but I don’t know how and I can’t do it alone. I look all around in envy of those who find in God a savior, a purpose or an excuse. I myself could use any of the three. But I look up in search for the heavens and all I see is the dark cloudy sky announcing the approaching storm. I have no way out and I know it will reach me with all its might.
But now, at least, I have a plan.
It is a plan devised at the verge of my internal despair, put in motion by oddments of optimism and pushed forward by the certainty of a dying man — the certainty he would do better, if only he had a second chance.
Nevertheless, it is a plan and I intend to follow it.
Everything begins now, when I jot these words down in my screen and throw it to the world as if anybody cared. They will be like confessions to deaf ears, but that’s how I like it and I don’t think it is much different at the nearest church. I will then have to read. I will bury myself in the Great Books and try to make whatever sense I can from them. It won’t be easy. I don’t think I have what it takes to think philosophically, but I want to anyway. Whenever a couple of ideas make any kind of connection in my brain, I will write. At the same time, I’ll ponder about my life through the lenses of Philosophy (or as much as I can grasp from it), trying to understand what I’ve done to others and what has been done to me. I’ll reach as many conclusions as necessary — even if naive and laughable conclusions of an ignorant man — and I’ll write about it. I will also engage in the boldest (or stupidest) project of all: learn the Art of Memory and find a way to remember everything. Eventually, what I learn will become a part of me and I will grow a better person. I might even be able to save my soul.
Well, that is the theory, anyway. If it has any chance of becoming a reality, only time will tell. You can be around and help a bit or you can just watch from the sidelines and place your bets. The odds are conspicuously against me, but after a lifetime negotiating my way through enemy fire, I know a thing or two about gambling. I know it can kill you. But I also know that we can always find an edge — even if a razor-thin and elusive one. I know I have my skin in the game and I am all in.
What are you doing of your life?